ETA Log – May 26th-27th, 2023: “We are made of our Longest Days”

This post is a part of The ETA Log. The post before this can be found here.

Hey Guys!

This post will be interesting! I’ll just say that.

After getting some bang-up advice and reminders from my mom on Thursday the 25th about fighting smaller battles to give me a break from my bigger, more exhausting battles, I went to bed that night.

Now, Friday’s kind of a blur (it’ll make sense why later!), but I do remember still feeling discouraged, but also trying to implement and practice what Mom had suggested.

I was not very successful.

I think I slept a lot as I struggled to gain perspective and got discouraged when I couldn’t find it (I talk about what that looks like in another post you can find here).

In my depressed state, I tried to keep hope alive that tomorrow (Saturday the 27th) would be good for something. Already exhausted from the crushing weight of the blanket known as Discouragement, I opted to go to sleep for the night.

Only trouble was, I couldn’t go to sleep for the life of me.

You could try chocking it up to how I was sleeping for parts of the daytime, but I think there was something additional.

The crushing burden of depression (especially situational depression like I often experience) can not only lead to hypersomnia (that’s when you sleep too much), but insomnia as well.

I tried faithfully (but somehow also faithlessly! 😂) trying to fall asleep. I was exceedingly annoyed by the time first light of the sun penetrated the side of my bedroom window.

I texted my parents asking what I should do about my sleep deprivation once I knew they were awake. Dad proposed what I thought at the time was the most peculiar thing:

Exercise.

He said it would exhaust me more so I could finally go to sleep. He suggested walking: outside in the neighborhood, or on our relatively new treadmill. Reluctantly and with a ton of resistance, I thought treadmill because I haven’t tried it out yet. I texted Dad one more time to ask if the controls were intuitive.

He may not have responded 😂, but I found out they were! It was magnet-powered, basically; a little magnet goes into a slot and (Like Cyborg hacking into the Kryptonian ship in the Justice League, it was so cool!) I put it in the middle and found it was easy to operate!

I said I’d walk/run for 20 minutes. Then I changed my mind twice.

I jogged for over 26 minutes. I was happy about doing more than I said I would. I think I may be slowly finding out what people mean when they say exercise helps their emotional health. Something to explore further later, maybe? But either way, I still wasn’t sleepy enough!

I was starving, so I cooked 4 eggs, then I thought I’d try to go to sleep again, I told my dad. Then as soon as he closed the front door, off to a round of golf (he loves golf! 😊❤️), my mom came back from a run, but through the back door. She encouraged me to do the opposite:

Stay up! 🤣

I made myself some coffee, took a shower, Finally got around to listening to part of Lana Del Rey’s new album (with its long, affectionate title!) then we opted for burgers for lunch(we love exploring new burger joints!) on a new side of town we hadn’t been to very much.

Burgers were good, but we decided we probably wouldn’t be back once we thought about it.

We were out because Mom needed a new pair of shoes (We need arch support these days, people! 🤣❤️) and to hit up some thrift shops! Mom Tried a pair, replaced her initial shoes with them, then we headed to the first thrift shop!

In line with Macklemore & Ryan Lewis’ song Thrift Shop with Wanz on the chorus, Mom gave me $20, and I put it in my pocket! 🤣🤣🤣

Then I was hunting, and looking for some come-ups, CDs and Vinyl Records specifically. And as Wanz said in the titular song, This was freaking Awesome!

As the first store, I didn’t find any vinyl, but found 3 CDs with 90s music! One of which was a sealed copy of The Goo Goo Dolls’ Dizzy Up the Girl (that’s the one where “he just wants you to know who he is” 😂)!

Next one was a Goodwill. I found a little crate of records there, but in them was two types of records I hardly recognized, only seen them in pictures: Edison Diamond Records, and Shellac records! 😲😲😲

Edison Records are as thick as male pinky and require a special needle to be played (originally, they used small diamond needles, that’s why it’s called an Edison Diamond Record!). Then Shellac Records are made of a type of old plastic-y concoction called shellac, they spin at 78 revolutions per minute (rpm) and also require a special needle I don’t currently have. I left them all there because it would cost additional money to order new needles to put on my record player. I also found a First Act virtual drum kit that exceeded my Macklemore/Wanz budget. I did walk out of that Goodwill with a CD of the soundtrack from Titanic. My first autistic special interest was Titanic, and I love the movie, so I was/am beside myself!

(one last thing, I saw the same Celine Dion CD in both thrift shops! I bought one at the first one!)

So yeah, I was poppin’ some tags!

We made what was supposed to be a quick stop at Walmart and found a whole treasure trove, I mean section of the store 🤣 with at least as many, if not more, arts and crafts supplies as a whole Dollar Tree: mom’s new favorite place to shop! We got some cool knick-knacks for Memorial Day weekend, then headed home.

Mom thought I would go to sleep by then. I thought so too.

I didn’t. 🤣

It was still hard to got to sleep, so I wondered what else I would do in my time awake.

Remember the list I mentioned earlier of goals and things I want to do for myself?

• learning how to use Synthesizers,
• make a profitable online business with a blog at its center,
• get my mental health in better shape,
• continuing to teach myself bass and guitar, and
• teaching myself the 3D Design software Blender

I decided to finally take a crack at he last thing on my list: Blender.

I was really getting it even though the tutorial got a little fast after awhile, then dinnertime came. Some weird breakdown in communication happened at the table and left me in a sour mood, but then Mom invited me to do something that ended up making everyone’s night better: watching the movie The Accountant!

Mom loves that movie, and Love it for Ben Affleck’s beautifully realistic and above all accurate portrayal of an autistic character! I made me feel better about myself (as it does), reset my perspective on everything, and reminded me that I can do anything in my life!

I had been up for maybe 26 hours before my favorite Titanic documentary, NatGeo’s Secrets of the Titanic, lulled me off to sleep. 😊❤️

Lauren Eve Mayberry of the band CHVRCHES started the chorus of their song Make Them Gold with this bold statement: “We are made of our longest days.” I take what Lauren said to mean that it is those long days of our lives that we really get to show (and see for ourselves) what we’re made of as people; individuals. 😄❤️❤️❤️ Oh, I love it!

Whew! This was a long post, I know. If you’re reading this, my efforts in making it a very engaging read have paid off! Hope you enjoyed reading it as much I have experiencing and writing it!

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Alright, I love you guys! ❤️

Evan