This post is a part of The ETA Log. The post before this can be found here.
Hey Guys!
This Wednesday was full of surprises. Emotional health, spiritual health, and hope in the vein of Self-Improvement!
Let’s start with the morning.
I was woken up by my mom (I was still down about my life and my prospects) and I had a Therapeutic Assessment scheduled.
For those who don’t know, a Therapeutic Assessment is like a psychological evaluation where they figure out what sort of mental health diagnosis you have, it’s like that, but it has a more interactive element to it. Instead of having a blank-faced doctor sit you down and tell you what’s “wrong” with you like in the movies, “What would you like to know about yourself?” is the first question they ask you! And it’s all much less condescending! 😄❤️
I want to get to the bottom of my emotional health situation. I know I have some mood disorders and psychotic (as in literally seeing things that others don’t) disorders, but 2022 knocked me for a loop due to something I can’t fully figure out on my own, hence the Assessment. For the whole story on my emotional health journey thus far, start here.
There was a discrepancy for billing before the virtual session started that put me in a really bad state of mind just before the meeting.
the first session is called an intake session, where they get all your basic information and family history. I met my specialist, she was really nice, and I think this long process might be a good, enjoyable one. I was just glad I started that process (we had been trying to plan this since January at least).
I was still in such an bad emotional state during and after, so I went back to bed for a few hours after 10:30.
I couldn’t sleep too long because I had a regular therapy session that afternoon.
At that session, my therapist Alyssa and I were discussing a bunch of things, but the session ended without an answer on how to feel okay. I felt even more down after (sometimes it be like that with Therapy, plus I benefit from more time with my therapists. I just can’t afford longer sessions with Alyssa yet 😒).
I was just about to fall back into my bed (and mess up my sleep schedule more 😂) when my mom was coming upstairs to make things in her new arts and crafts creative corner. She asked me how I was doing, I told her how I was down, and she invited me to speak with her while she worked (she knows that letting me talk through things is one way to help me, because she’s the same way. 😉).
I told her how I’m emotionally suffering a lot right now, and there’s no certainty of anything right now. Plus, I just feel so tired, tired of having to fight so hard for what I want, and not even end up getting it!
She reminded me that it’s not only okay to acknowledge and feel your own suffering, but that it’s also healthy to. ❤️
And then she encouraged me to try to keep doing things, no matter what they were, as long as they were things I would normally like doing: drawing, writing, playing music, taking Polaroid pictures, or creating on my computer.
Then something additional occurred to me…
This could be an opportunity to work on the basic living aspects to my journey of getting an apartment. Self Care: the parts that fell through the cracks as a result of chronically poor emotional health.
I was focused on the big goals. But when I’m tired of fighting the big battles, I can try to win the smaller ones.
My mom has been worried of whether I’d be able to live independently (a challenge for most autistics, nearly impossible for some). I can rebuild those tattered aspects of my living independence with the interim time I have now, in addition to all the stuff I mentioned earlier:
- learning how to use Synthesizers,
- make a profitable online business with a blog at its center,
- get my mental health in better shape,
- continuing to teach myself bass and guitar, and
- teaching myself the 3D Design software Blender
This perfectly sets up the next few days, so I’ll leave it at that. 😄❤️
Well, I think that’s about it for this time, y’all. 😃❤️
Next post will be found here.
I love y’all so much!
Evan
[…] This post is a part of The ETA Log. The post before this can be found here. […]